


And Your Heart Beats in My Blood

by Politzania



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon-Compliant, Canonical Character Death, M/M, POV Alternating, Time Skips, Young!Tony, at least for awhile, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-03-06 18:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18857017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Politzania/pseuds/Politzania
Summary: Tony Stark's soulmate died when they were both young;  or so he thought.   When a ghostly heartbeat continues to haunt him,  Tony's AI proposes an unlikely hypothesis.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Name of Piece: And Your Heart Beats in My Blood  
> Rating: Teen  
> Pairing: WinterIron (eventually)  
> Warnings: minor canonical character death, angst, canon divergence  
> Summary: Tony Stark's soulmate died when they were both young; or so he thought. When a ghostly heartbeat continues to haunt him, Tony's AI proposes an unlikely hypothesis.  
> BBB Square Filled: U2 - Tony Stark/Iron Man (Chapter 1)  
> TSB Square Filled: A4 - JARVIS (Chapter 2)  
> BBB Square Filled: C5 - Jailbreak (Chapter 3)  
> 

Tony Stark first felt his soulmate’s pulse when he was seven years old. He’d assumed that he wasn’t supposed to have one; after all, not everyone had a soulmate. His father didn't, and his mother’s soulmate seemed to only make her feel sick and tired so much of the time. 

If it hadn't been for Ana and Jarvis, Tony might not have cared, but the two of them were bonded soulmates. They had met in the war, a “million to one chance” as they called it, and had spent barely a day apart since. The two of them could practically share their thoughts, and with such a strong bond, every time Ana hugged Tony, he could feel their dual heartbeat. 

But if you had a soulmate, you could lose them, too. Aunt Peggy had finally met hers just before he became Captain America and they had less than a year together before he sacrificed himself to help win the war. Peggy had moved on and made a life for herself, but even Tony could see how losing her soulmate had affected her. 

Tony also knew that the Jarvises and Aunt Peggy were the exceptions; most people were like his mother and had never met their soulmates, despite being linked practically from birth. You felt your soulmate’s pulse, and therefore their physical and emotional state, but knew very little else about who they were, where they lived or what they were really like.

And then, it finally happened to him. Ana had shooed him outside to get some fresh air and all of a sudden, a heavy, erratic beat started reverberating through his chest; he was shivering uncontrollably and had trouble breathing. A wave of confusion washed over him as he stumbled into the kitchen. 

“Ana, I don’t feel so good,” Tony managed to say before nearly collapsing in a chair. She hurried over, pressing a warm cheek against his forehead. “My chest...” he imitated the thudding sensation with his hand. “I’m cold, it hurts to breathe and I can’t think right.” 

“Oh, boychick -- it must be your soulmate!" Ana smiled and gave him a big hug. “She must’ve just been born, that explains why you’re cold and having trouble breathing. It’s her first time in the world.” 

His parents seemed surprised to hear the news -- as most documented soulmates were born within a year or two of one another -- but Aunt Peggy gave him a wistful smile. “It must have take this long to find a match for someone as special as you are, my dear.” 

Tony pestered his mother and both Ana and Jarvis about their experiences, as well as read anything he could get his hands on (which was much less that he would have liked; his mother insisted on vetting all the books first.) All the books said that his soulmate was a girl, but Tony was fairly sure he was a boy instead. While it was clear that bonded soulmates could almost read one another’s minds, could project their feelings to one another no matter how far apart they were, it was nearly impossible to prove that unbonded soulmates could do the same. 

However, that didn’t stop Tony from trying. He tried to push his happy feelings towards his soulmate, and shield him from his own sad and angry times. He didn’t expect to feel much in return other than basic emotions and sensations; after all, his soulmate was just a baby. But even babies got sad and happy sometimes, and Tony didn't really feel any of that.

Tony knew his own pulse ran fast when he was excited, and slowed when he was sleepy, but his soulmate’s pulse ran slow and steady most of the time -- speeding up only occasionally, with a sense of anticipation or tension accompanying it. This all seemed odd to Tony; but he never said anything about it, wondering if he were perhaps doing something wrong. 

He spent hours wondering where his soulmate lived and if the two of them would ever have a chance to meet; he talked to his soulmate when he was alone, telling his new friend who he was, what he was doing now, and all the things he wanted to do once he was old enough. He knew it was foolish, that his soulmate couldn’t hear him. But it made Tony feel less lonely. 

One night, a blinding pain drove woke Tony from a deep sleep. His startled shout had brought his mother running. “Tony, _carino_ , what’s wrong? Did you have a bad dream?” 

“My head, it hurt so bad all of a sudden -- it felt like it was gonna explode. And I’m so cold. . .” As he coughed and shivered, he scrabbled at his chest, realizing something vital was missing. “Mom -- I can’t feel him! My soulmate’s heart beat is gone! What happened? What did I do?” 

She enfolded him in her arms. “Oh my darling. It wasn’t your fault.” But Tony couldn’t help but feel that somehow it was. 

Tony mourned the loss of his soulmate; it wasn’t fair, having waited so long to have only had a month or so together. He wasn’t alone, of course, he knew that. People died in accidents or from being sick all the time. And while that empty feeling inside faded over the years, sometimes, just as Tony was falling asleep, or when he was concentrating on sketching or building yet another gadget, he’d feel what he could swear was a single heartbeat. 

\------

It was almost three in the morning and Tony had been up all night working on his M.I.T. application essay. He knew his father was trying to grease the wheels to get his 14 year old prodigy of a son into the premier engineering school in the country, but Tony wanted to do it right, to prove himself. He was working on his concluding paragraphs when his breath caught in his chest, a chill wracked his body and it felt like his heart stuttered. At first Tony thought maybe it was a caffeine overload, as he’d just finished off a second pot of coffee. But as the erratic beats settled into a slow, steady, familiar rhythm, Tony’s own heart soared. 

“You’re back,” he whispered. “I don’t know how, but you are, aren’t you?” Against all logic, every scientific principle, his soulmate had returned. Tony had missed him, missed that reassuring rhythm that told him someone else understood what he was feeling, what he was going through. That he wasn’t alone. 

It left him baffled, however, and wondering what could have happened to have broken, then re-established their connection. Tony pored through every newspaper he could lay his hands on, tuned into the news on the radio and television, looking for any unusual medical stories, such as someone waking from a coma. He also scoured the library for research on soulmates; the basic reading he’d done when a child hadn’t covered a situation like his. 

But even the scholarly articles that he tracked down made no reference to re-established soulmate connections. And there were no other cases of such a wide separation of age, either. Not wanting to be considered one of the crackpots he’d also read about -- people who claimed to have multiple soulmates, or be linked to someone famous, or an alien being -- he kept their unique attachment to himself. 

Now that Tony was older, and more familiar with what a soulmate connection should be like, he began to question the previous assumption that his soulmate was a child, born seven years after himself. The slow and steady pulse didn’t match, nor did the flatness of the emotions that came through the connection. Maybe his soulmate had a medical condition -- Tony kept coming back to the idea of a coma, something like sleeping sickness. But Tony suspected there was something else going on, since it didn’t explain why his soulmate’s heartbeat had disappeared (or nearly so) for seven years. 

Tony talked through these conundrums with his soulmate, as much for a simple sounding board as anything else. He found himself sharing his thoughts and aspirations, successes and failures as well, just as he had when he was/they were young. Tony talked about his father and how he revered Captain America. While Howard never said outright that Tony didn’t measure up to those ideals, it was clear enough. Tony talked about his own desires, being attracted to boys as well as girls; and wondered if that were the reason he was convinced his soulmate was male. As for the typical teenage horniness and relief thereof, well, Tony hoped his soulmate felt that pleasure as intensely as he did. 

Out of duty more than anything else, Tony asked his parents if they would join him on a college visit to MIT. He was neither surprised nor particularly disappointed to learn that neither were available; His father had a business trip planned, and his mother would be gone on a shopping trip in Paris. Tony was thankful that Jarvis was both willing and able to make the train trip with him, despite both looking and acting a decade older, since Ana had passed the month before. 

They had just passed through Providence when a stabbing pain drove into Tony’s temples, making him double over. He clenched his teeth to hold back a scream, then a sob once he realized what was happening. _“No... please, not again, don’t go, don’t leave me.”_ He repeated the plea in his mind over and over, shivering uncontrollably as his soulmate’s pulse slowed and stopped.

\----

Tony wasn’t as drunk as he pretended to be; he’d learned that trick ages ago. It made for a good excuse to cut loose at the club, though; to leave behind the whole ‘future heir to Stark Industries’ thing for the night. No one here knew who he really was, and that suited him just fine. Sure, they’d carded him at the door (for once, his ID was legit; he’d turned twenty-one just that past May) but an extra twenty bought the bouncer’s silence, at least for the evening, He’d worry about tomorrow later. 

Tony stopped by the bar first, for a shot or two as well as to scope out the crowd. Lots of pretty girls and boys to choose from, and he knew he was looking pretty hot as well. Speaking of hot, while was too warm in Southern California for December snow outside, there was plenty of it inside, if you knew where to look. So Tony started looking.

An hour or so later -- Tony had kind of lost track of time -- he was making out with a hunky brunet back at his hotel room. Said hunk had made his intention clear about where the night was going, which was fine; Tony enjoyed getting fucked, for the most part . 

A splitting headache suddenly blindsided Tony and his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He worried for a moment that it was a side effect of the cocaine, that they’d cut it with something, but then found himself chuckling with delight when he realized what was really happening. 

“Oh man, you have picked the best time to show back up, Lazarus,” he murmured to his soulmate. “C’mon along for the ride!” 

His partner wasn’t particularly gentle, but that didn’t matter; Tony was flying high on both the drugs and the freedom of being just another anonymous warm body. He wondered what it felt like for his soulmate and hoped if he was enjoying the experience. Recent advances in both gay rights and the scientific exploration of soulmates had confirmed in nine cases out of ten, a same-sex soulmate was linked to being either gay or bisexual, and Tony was firmly one of the latter. 

Tony couldn’t help but fantasize what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of either the drugs or the sex. As best he could remember, his soulmate hadn’t ever or gotten drunk even jacked off. Come to think of it, Tony had rarely felt any true, positive emotions from his soulmate; satisfaction at a job well done, perhaps, but no joy, no ecstasy that he could recall. 

Tony wasn’t surprised to wake up alone the next morning , and with a hell of a hangover. He was a little surprise, however that (once he could feel it over the pounding of his own head) his soulmate’s reappearance hadn’t been a drug-induced hallucination. However, that idle thought led him down an uncomfortable path. What if he were somehow making this connection up? What if it were some sort of delusion? Tony shook his head -- he didn’t have time for this now; Obie was breathing down his neck to get the navigation system upgrades for the latest SI missile ready for a beta test. Tony got unsteadily to his feet to shower off the sweat and other evidence of his evening’s fun, and start his day. 

Later that week, Tony was just wrapping up his work and vaguely thinking about ordering some takeout when his soulmate’s pulse sped up. It was followed by a vague sense of confusion that was almost immediately quashed under that same combination of focus and intensity Tony had felt from his soulmate before. He found himself thinking of a predator on the hunt, and wondered what exactly his soulmate was doing. 

 

Four long days later, Tony was numb and exhausted. He’d gone through the motions at the memorial service, thanking countless people who felt the need to express their condolences in person. Obie had arranged for a couple of secretaries to respond to the phone calls and letters that had poured in when the news of his parents’ deaths hit the press and television screens, but Tony was sure he’d be asked to sign responses to the major shareholders, military bigwigs and whoever else SI needed on their good side. 

On top of it all, his soulmate was almost constantly agitated, his pulse no longer the slow and steady beat that Tony had always associated with his presence. There were even occasional flashes of fear, which was something Tony had never felt from him before. Tony’s own emotional state had left him with little energy or focus to soothe and reassure his soulmate. This only added to the guilt and self-loathing Tony felt after his soulmate's sudden, painful departure after a single week. Maybe it was all for the best, he reflected -- whoever he was surely deserved better than a shallow, self-absorbed boy genius.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony reveals his soulmate delusion to his AI, who in turn proposes an experiment. He later visits his Aunt Peggy, who shares a startling piece of news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title:And Your Heart Beats In My Blood  
> Squares:  
> \- BBB: U2 - Tony Stark/Iron Man (Chapter 1)  
> \- TSB: A4 - JARVIS (Chapter 2)  
> Rating: Teen  
> Warnings: minor canonical character death, angst, canon divergence  
> Pairing: WinterIron (Tony x Bucky)  
> Summary: Tony Stark's soulmate died when they were both young; or so he thought. When a ghostly heartbeat continues to haunt him, Tony's AI proposes an unlikely hypothesis.

Tony had just finished testing his blood (24% percent toxicity levels) when a bone-aching chill swept over him, followed by a stabbing pain in his temples. He braced himself against a workbench, gasping for breath as he clutched at his head with both hands. 

“Sir, have the symptoms progressed?” JARVIS asked as Dum-E rolled over, camera cocked at an angle and beeping concernedly.

“M’okay,” Tony called out from between chattering teeth. “Just give me a sec.” The phantasmic pulse stuttered, then settled into its slow, steady pace, reverberating against the arc reactor’s housing. It felt strange, but not painful or even unpleasant; a small mercy granted by his psyche. Tony took as deep a breath as he could manage, then muttered, “Oh, sure, wait til I’m dying to come back to life again.” 

“Sir?” 

“Sorry, J. That wasn’t meant for you. Just talking to my imaginary friend.” 

“I’m not sure I understand.” 

Tony sighed. He’d never mentioned his occasional delusion to anyone, not even Rhodey. But he already trusted his AI with his life every time he put the armor on, so why not unburden himself? 

“You know about soulmates, right? Well, I used to have one. He showed up late and died when I was around seven years old. It happens, you know? Well, apparently some part of my subconscious felt cheated, refused to believe he was gone. And so, every once in a while, he comes back,” Tony put air quotes around the last two words. “Usually when I’m stressed out -- like when my parents died, or, well, like now.” 

Tony started pacing around the workshop as he continued to explain. “He sticks around for a couple of days, maybe a week, and then the feeling fades.” He shrugged. “I figure it’s that primal desire to have someone know who you really are, know you down to your core and still accept you unconditionally. Someone who feels what I feel, quite literally. I know, I’ve got Rhodey, of course, and Pepper, possibly, but I gotta have more. Spoiled brat and all that, right?” 

“I am not qualified to provide an opinion on that, Sir.” 

Tony grinned wryly. “I figure it’s a mostly harmless coping mechanism, all things considered. Besides, most geniuses are a little off, aren’t they? Look at Tesla, that guy had a laundry list of personality quirks and mental aberrations.”

“Very true, Sir,” JARVIS agreed. “How does your soulmate manifest?” 

“In the most stereotypical way, of course,” Tony replied, unable to keep from rolling his eyes at himself, “two hearts beating as one and all that romantic crap. I feel his phantom pulse in my chest.”

“Sir... when was the last time you sensed your soulmate’s presence?” Tony wasn’t sure where JARVIS was going with these questions, but played along. 

Tony thought back. “After I did the big reveal about Iron Man. Perfect dramatic timing, right? I stepped off the podium and boom, there he was. Stuck around for roughly two weeks or so.” 

“I see.” JARVIS sounded uncharacteristically thoughtful. “Might I ask you to don the armor, Sir?” 

“Huh?” 

“I wish to test a hypothesis.” 

“Far be it from me to hamper the progress of science.” Tony had no idea what his AI was up to, but he walked over to the assembly platform. “Fire it up,” he called out once he was in position. 

As his suit formed around him, Tony took a moment to think about the times when his delusion manifested. Oddly enough, it had never been triggered the whole time he was in Afghanistan. He supposed he was too busy trying to survive for his subconscious to pull any shenanigans. 

“As you know,” JARVIS said quietly in Tony’s ear, “ one of my co-pilot functions is to monitor your vitals. When I was first installed in the Mark II armor, I noticed an anomaly in your pulse readout. As you were otherwise occupied at the time, I simply made a note for later review, thinking perhaps it was an artifact caused by the arc reactor housing. It went away soon after -- I could tell you when, but I expect you already know. I also wish to inform you that I am currently detecting that same anomaly.” 

Tony’s mouth had gone dry; it took him a moment to answer. “Wait... You mean that....” 

“Yes -- unless your subconscious is exerting an unprecedented degree of control over your autonomic system, I can indeed physically confirm your soulmate’s presence.” 

Tony’s knees went weak with relief; he probably would have fallen if it hadn’t been for the armor. He wasn't crazy, at least regarding this. His soulmate did exist. He really was here.

“I would assume that this is the same individual from before,” JARVIS continued, “as the pulse rate does match my prior readings, including a minor aberration I have been unable to identify. Whether this person is indeed your original soulmate, I am unable to say.” 

“It’s him. I’d know him anywhere.” Tony insisted. While it was equally possible (for incredibly small values of ‘possible’) that he’d been connected with a new soulmate, the sensations he was receiving through their link were much too familiar to be mistaken for anyone else. “Wait, what do you mean, ‘minor aberration’?” 

“Well, besides the unusually slow pulse rate, it’s as if your soulmate’s blood is not being circulated evenly throughout their body. Perhaps it is somehow related to whatever causes you to lose connection with him, so to speak.” 

“Add that to your list of stuff to research, J. Though the whole palladium poisoning thing should probably take precedence.” 

“I quite agree, Sir.” 

 

As his chances for survival dwindled, Tony decided he might as well to go out with a bang; giving his soulmate some well-deserved thrills while trying to keep his own despair and desperation at bay. And maybe it was his imagination, but for the first time, Tony sensed something like concern and reassurance through the bond. It was muted, like everything else that he’d ever felt from his soulmate, but it was there. 

That long-awaited response gave Tony the drive to solve the puzzle his father had left for him (and thereby save his own life), then carried him through the climactic battle against Hammer’s destructo-bots and Vanko. His soulmate’s presence reminded him that he had more to live for than just himself. That somewhere out in that great world, someone knew exactly who he was and cared about him anyways, in whatever way they were capable of. When the familiar stabbing pain hit him in the temples, all Tony could think was, _“Don’t be gone too long, my friend.”_

* * *

Over the next several months , Tony -- with JARVIS’ help, of course -- became probably the world’s foremost expert in soulmates. Despite all his research, he hadn’t found a single credible account of anyone having lost, then regained their connection to their soulmate. His own connection remained silent; which was to be expected. The pattern indicated that years could pass before the bond reactivated. Tony felt a single heartbeat on occasion, like before; unfortunately never while he was wearing the armor, so JARVIS was unable to corroborate. 

The other demands on his time made it easy for Tony to set the whole soulmate situation aside. For example, even though SI was no longer producing weapons, he still had regular business that took him to the nation’s capital. And whenever he was in town, he made a point of stopping in to see Aunt Peggy. 

She wasn’t actually Tony’s aunt, of course; but she had been a part of his childhood, and they’d kept in contact over the years. He always called ahead, as much out of common courtesy as to check on her state of mind; it helped him to know ahead of time if she was having a good or bad day. 

“Tony -- I’m so glad you’re here!” Peggy greeted him warmly as he stepped into her room. “I’ve got some remarkable news that I haven’t told anyone here. They wouldn't understand, and think I’d gone off my rocker.” 

“What’s that, Aunt Peggy?” Her comment intrigued him, even as he recalled that paranoia was a common symptom of Alzheimer’s. 

She motioned for him to sit at her bedside, then took his hand to pull him closer. With a voice full of joy and wonder, she said, “It’s Steve. He’s alive!” 

Tony knew better than to argue with her when her mind was wandering and didn’t let his smile waver. “Well, that is good news, Auntie. I hope I get a chance to meet him.” 

“I see you don’t believe me. Well, I can’t blame you, as I am quite aware of how outlandish it sounds.” Peggy's self-awareness dispelled at least some of his assumption, and her voice was clear and steady as she continued. “When I woke up this morning, and felt slow, erratic beats reverberating in my chest, I thought it was finally my time. That I was shuffling off this mortal coil.” 

“But then I recognized what it was, I recognized him.” She gripped his hand more tightly, drawing it to her chest. “I can feel Steve, right here.” Peggy punctuated her last two words by tapping the back of his hand to her sternum. “You remember what it’s like, don’t you, my dear?” She gave him an imploring look, her eyes bright with tears. “I know you were so young, when you lost your soulmate, but surely...” 

Tony swallowed around the lump in his throat. He knew what she was going through, better than anyone else in the world. “Yes. Peggy. I do remember. And I believe you. But how...?” 

She drew a deep breath and replied briskly, as if she’d already been pondering the answer herself. “You may have heard that after the war, your father mounted expeditions to the Arctic in search of the Valkyrie.” 

“Yeah. Obie told me he was after whatever tech was in the plane in hopes they could turn a profit off it. ”

Peggy snorted with derision. “That man had an adding machine for a heart. I’m sorry I didn’t see through his scheming, my dear.” 

“He fooled all of us, Auntie,” Tony reassured her. “But you were saying?” 

“Ah yes. While Howard certainly would have salvaged what he could from the wreckage, his true intent was to find Steve. To bring him home for a proper burial, if necessary.” Her eyes dimmed for a moment. “But Howard believed that, if Steve had managed to survive the crash landing, that the serum would protect him, send him into some sort of hibernation. I can’t help but think that’s what happened.” 

A lightbulb went off in is head; Tony made a mental note to look into cryonics. “And now, Rogers has woken back up?” 

Her face grew thoughtful. “Not exactly. He’s more than simply asleep, and perhaps never will regain consciousness. But where there’s life, there’s hope.” She smiled wryly. “Then again, I can’t imagine anyone would actually believe this dotty old lady when she says that Captain America is still alive after all these years.” 

“I’ve got an idea, Peg,” Tony broke in. “I’ll be right back.” It would have been simple enough to ask one of the nursing staff for a heart rate monitor, but if Peggy were right (and he would bet a considerable amount of his capital that she inexplicably was), it was a matter of national security and the fewer people who knew, the better. 

So instead a few minutes later, Tony returned with the suitcase armor; he didn’t travel without it anymore. He activated the helmet and one of the gauntlets, pulling out a comm link and tucking it behind his ear before giving both pieces of the armor to Peggy. She gave him a skeptical look, but put them on anyways. 

“J, be a pal and check Aunt Peggy’s pulse, would you? You know what to look for.” He’d tell her his own soulmate story eventually, but time was potentially of the essence at the moment. 

“Certainly, Sir.” To her credit, Peggy only startled slightly at the sound of the AI’s voice in her ear. “My apologies, Director Emeritus Carter. I am JARVIS, an artificial intelligence created by Doctor Stark to assist him in his research and other tasks. As part of my duties, I monitor his vitals while he is wearing the Iron Man armor. With your permission, I’d like to do the same for you now.” 

The helmet tilted up towards Tony, and Peggy’s amused reply came over the comm line. “Permission granted. And may I say I approve of the name your creator gave you?” 

“It is intended as an acronym - Just A Rather Very Intelligent System.” 

“Honestly, Tony. You’re as bad as Howard was -- coming up with ridiculous phrases to justify the name you really want to use. Why else would SHIELD have been dubbed ‘Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage and Law-Enforcement Division’?” She shook her head with a low laugh, then stopped suddenly. “I’m sorry, JARVIS, am I making it difficult to get your readings?” 

“Not at all. In fact, While your soulmate’s pulse is somewhat faint, it is clear and distinct from your own. I have recorded a sequence lasting several seconds. Where should I send it, Sir?” 

“Let’s hold off on that for the moment, J,” Tony interrupted, helping Peggy take the helmet off. “Auntie, how about I make a quick call to one of your former colleagueswho might find this news... informative?” 

She nodded as Tony pulled out his phone. “I think you’d have better luck with Philip than Nicholas.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Tony scrolled through his contacts and tapped “Supernanny”. 

“Hey, there, Agent. It’s your favorite taser target and pain in the ass consultant.” 

“I’m kind of busy here at the moment, Stark," came the terse reply. "Sending you to voicemail.” 

“Hold on, Phil. Unless you’re getting shot at in the streets or getting some between the sheets, hear me out. You remember that Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter were bonded soulmates, right? Well, I’m here in DC with her right now and she’s telling me that she can feel Captain America’s heartbeat. That he’s alive.”

“Go on.” Tony had expected skepticism, maybe even to be hung up on, but instead Coulson actually seemed to be taking Tony seriously. 

“We can prove it. I had JARVIS monitor her pulse, and it’s showing their dual heartbeat. He recorded a segment and I can send it over if you want to see. He isn’t conscious, according to Peggy, which might be a blessing, depending on where he is.” 

There was silence on the line at the moment. “You have remarkable timing, Stark. It just so happens that I am on a plane with one of SHIELD’s critical care medical teams. We’re on our way back to New York from Greenland. It seems the wreckage of a certain World War II-era plane was discovered out near Thule the day before yesterday. The body of the pilot was recovered this morning and in the process of freeing him from the ice, a heartbeat was detected.” 

“I’ll be damned,” Tony breathed, then called out to Peggy, “Coulson’s already on the job. They found Cap and put him on a plane home.” The radiant smile he received in reply made Peggy look decades younger. 

“Director Carter’s bond will be of great assistance in determining the Captain’s mental and emotional status during his convalescence,” Coulson continued. “I’ll dispatch an agent to come over and start the debriefing.” 

“It better be someone Peggy knows and trusts,” Tony cautioned. 

“I know just who to send,” and with an unexpectedly warm tone, Coulson added, “Thanks for calling.” 

“My pleasure.” Mildly nonplussed, Tony slid his phone back into his pocket and repeated the brief conversation for Peggy, including the fact that a SHIELD agent was on the way.” 

“I hope it isn’t that Sitwell fellow. There’s something about him I just don’t trust, ” she replied with a frown. 

While they waited, a nurse came in to check Peggy’s vitals and deliver her meds. He took her pulse the old-fashioned way, and Tony braced for some sort of comment, but he simply jotted down a few figures on the chart. Perhaps the dual beat was only noticeable if measured electronically. Before leaving, the nurse asked if Tony planned on having lunch with Miss Peggy. 

“If you don’t mind, Auntie.” Perhaps he was the one being paranoid, but considering the huge piece of intel they shared between them, Tony wanted to stick close to Peggy at least until Coulson’s fellow agent arrived. 

“Not at all, dear boy.” 

“Then I’ll have the kitchen send up two trays,” the nurse replied with a smile. 

Tony was pleasantly surprised by the meal; while perhaps not what he would have chosen for himself, it was flavorful and filling. They were just finishing up when there was a knock on the door and Peggy’s grandniece stepped in. 

“Hello, my dear!” Peggy held out her arms and Sharon carefully hugged her aunt before turning to Tony. 

“Long time no see, cuz,” she commented. It had been at least eight years, by his best guess; Sharon had graduated with honors from the Massachusetts State Police Academy and Peggy had asked him to be her plus-one at the ceremony. Sharon was a cute kid then, and quite an attractive woman now. But she was also a potential liability, as they were expecting the SHIELD agent to arrive any time. 

“Hey, Sharon. Good to see you,” Tony said hurriedly. “Listen, Peggy’s got a specialist coming in any moment. How about we give them a little privacy?” He casually tried to herd her back to the door, but she wasn’t budging. 

Peggy and Sharon shared a knowing glance before the latter responded. “And would this be a heart specialist that’s coming to see her? Something about an irregularity in her pulse?” 

Tony paused in confusion for a moment before everything clicked. “Son of a bitch. You’re the agent Coulson sent over.”

She grinned mischievously. “I snuck into SHIELD when Aunt Peggy wasn’t looking and took my mom’s maiden name so no one would accuse either of us of nepotism.” She sat down gracefully and pulled a tablet out from her bag. “So -- tell me exactly what’s going on with you and your old flame, Aunt Peggy.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No longer the Fist of Hydra, Bucky Barnes begins to piece himself together with the help of a soulmate he wasn't supposed to have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name of Piece: And Your Heart Beats in My Blood  
> BBB Square Filled: C5 - Jailbreak (Chapter 3)  
> TSB Square Filled: A4 - JARVIS (Chapter 2)  
> BBB Square Filled: U2 - Tony Stark/Iron Man (Chapter 1)  
> Rating: Teen  
> Warnings: minor canonical character death, angst, canon divergence  
> Summary: Tony Stark's soulmate died when they were both young; or so he thought. When a ghostly heartbeat continues to haunt him, Tony's AI proposes an unlikely hypothesis. (Eventual WinterIron)

The Soldier hadn’t known what that pulsing in his chest and in his blood had meant, only that it hadn't always been there. But now, from the moment he was awakened, it continued all the way through every mission, remaining through the recalibration he endured before returning to the nothingness of cryo. It never stopped, only sped up and slowed, often accompanied by bursts of emotion that made no sense. Asking questions was a dangerous game; so he had kept his own counsel, assuming it was yet another modification, part of what had been done to make him into the Fist of Hydra.

But then there was the mission in Chennai. The Soldier wasn’t working solo this time; he had a support team. Three other men, with whom he was holed up in a cheap hotel room as they waited for their next set of orders. There was a movie on the television; a drama featuring a pair of star-crossed soulmates. They had the Soldier summarize what was going on, as he was the only one who spoke the local language well enough. 

Two of the three men scoffed at the idea of soulmates, saying they’d never want to be tied down to a woman and having to feel what she felt. “Man, can you imagine having to deal with her bein’ on the rag?” Rumlow wrinkled his nose with an expression of disgust and spat. 

Campbell, who was the youngest, least experienced member of the team, disagreed. “I dunno. It might be nice, having somebody who knew what you were going through, who was always on your side.” As the characters on screen sang a duet about their two hearts beating as one, the Soldier absently rubbed at his chest. Was it possible that this was the explanation for what he felt? That he had a soulmate? 

He was awakened a few hours later by a flare of panic, coming out of nowhere. Keeping in mind what he’d seen in the film, he tried to send calming thoughts, slowing his own breathing just as he would to prepare for taking a shot. A fragment of a memory -- _“Take it easy, pal. In and out, just like this.”_ \-- floated through his mind. 

Completing the mission was difficult, given this new awareness. He was torn between staying focused on his task and responding to the unexpected, distracting waves of emotion. It was almost a relief to find himself sitting back in the Chair once the mission was done. To know that the recalibration -- painful as it was -- would clear his mind, allow him to rest.

* * *

Growing up, everyone always assumed it was Steve who was jealous of Bucky. After all, the Barnes boy was tall, strong and handsome, while Sarah Rogers’ son was short, scrawny and sickly. What they didn’t know is how desperately Bucky yearned for a soulmate like Steve had. He still remembered when Miz Rogers brought home a stethoscope she’d borrowed from one of the doctors at the hospital and had let him listen to Steve’s heart. It was only when he heard the faint double beat that he truly believed; up til then, he’d thought his pal just had a different kind of imaginary friend. 

When they learned about time zones in school, it was Bucky’s idea to use that concept to try to figure out where Steve’s soulmate lived. As best they could tell, she went to bed around five o’clock in the evening and was awake much, much earlier than they ever were. Finally, once summer rolled around, they stayed up all night just to see when she got up. From there, they decided she probably lived in England or France. 

There had never been any doubt that Steve’s soulmate was a girl; that’s what all the books and movies said. It was the natural order of things, same as falling in love: Boys liked girls, and girls liked boys. But as they got older, Bucky realized that he liked both boys and girls. It was one of the few secrets he kept from his best friend; even if he suspected that it wouldn’t matter to him, Bucky didn’t want to burden Steve with the knowledge that his friend had perverted, twisted desires. 

Desires that Bucky found a way to indulge once he moved out into a place of his own. Not often, and not without the ever-present danger of getting caught, but he successfully navigated that shadow world while keeping his reputation in the neighborhood as a ladies’ man, dragging Steve out on double dates as often as possible. And then America went to war and Bucky Barnes enlisted. 

He was amazed and thrilled to get Steve’s letter that announced he’d found his soulmate. He didn’t tell Bucky how or where they had met, but her name was Peggy, and they’d been right about her being from England. Steve had written, “She’s a knockout, pal. Literally -- first time I saw her, she decked a guy who was gettin’ fresh with her!” If she were half as pretty as the thumbnail sketch Steve had included, she would indeed be quite a looker. Bucky only hoped that this Peggy was wise enough to recognize that Steve’s outward appearance meant little compared to the man he truly was. 

It was the only letter Bucky got from Steve before he was captured and sent to the hellhole that was the Hydra prison factory. As he lay on the table in Zola’s lab, Bucky was glad, perhaps for the first time in his life, that he didn’t have a soulmate, that no one else was subject to the pain and fear he’d experienced over the past week. And then a taller, broader, brawnier (but no less foolhardy) version of Steve had appeared and damn near single-handedly brought down the prison camp, freeing hundreds of other POWs in the process. 

On the march back to Azzano, Bucky let his friend carry the conversation. Their confrontation with Schmidt had left him shaken; wondering what was simmering in his own blood thanks to Zola’s experiments. It was a relief to listen to Steve talk about how he and Peggy discovered they were soulmates. “It happened by accident. We were in line together in the mess tent. When I handed her a tray, our hands brushed together and that was it.” 

“Was that before or after you got transformed into Captain America?” 

Steve actually blushed a little. “Before, actually. I can’t wait til you meet her, Buck.” 

Not only was Peggy Carter just as pretty as Steve had drawn her, she was the kind of woman Steve needed; smart and independent, brave and determined without being hardened or callous. Bucky couldn’t help but be jealous. Not so much of her specifically, but of the bond that she and his best friend shared. It was true, that they seemed almost to read one another’s mind. Bucky knew he would never have that, perhaps never even have a normal relationship, not with his perverse inclinations.

* * *

During his time as the Soldier, Bucky felt very little beyond basic physical responses. It was as if all his emotions, his wants and ambitions -- other than for a successful completion of a mission -- had all been stifled, flattened paper-thin by his regular recalibrations. Anger had been the first emotion to come back in full force; during the fight on the helicarrier, he’d been angry at his opponent. Angry that he wasn’t behaving the way he should, that he refused to engage, and kept saying things that didn’t make sense. Until they did. 

With the sudden realization that it was his best friend he was fighting, that the man he had shot and who lay dying at his feet was someone he had known since he was a child, horror and guilt wiped away Bucky’s anger. But before he could do or say anything, in a grotesque parody of the moment that had torn them apart so many years ago, the decking on the helicarrier gave way and Steve fell. Bucky had no choice but to follow. 

Guilt and regret ruled the day from that point on; not only over what he’d done to Steve, but for all the other missions, the lives the Soldier had taken over the decades. It was this remorse as much as his determination to remain free of Hydra that drove Bucky into hiding. James Buchanan Barnes might be a broken, damaged man, but he was a man, not a weapon.

As he worked his way cross-country via a network of Hydra safe houses, Bucky sifted through what he remembered of his time as the Soldier as well as his life before. He wrote it all down, lest it slip away, the notebooks becoming his most precious possessions. Along the way, he came to a startling realization: he wasn’t supposed to have a soulmate. He’d grown up without one, he was sure of that. He didn’t understand what had happened in the intervening decades to establish the link he now had, but he wouldn’t give it up for the world. 

Not that it was easy; Bucky struggled at times to recognize which emotions were his, and which were those of his soulmate. Whoever he (and Bucky was convinced his soulmate was male) was, he felt everything deeply. Joy and sorrow, anger and love, they all came through the bond crystal clear. He was a restless man, with his own burden of guilt that seemed to leave him always searching for something. A small part of Bucky hoped that he was that thing. 

Bucky and his soulmate seemed to take turns waking each other with their nightmares -- that is, when they were in the same time zone. It had taken him months to work out that his soulmate led a bit of a nomadic lifestyle, spending roughly equal amounts of time on the east and west coasts of the United States, but also traveling the world. But even then, his sleep schedule was erratic, staying up days at a time, that restlessness of his surely a driving factor.

Even with (or perhaps because of) the pervasive influence of his soulmate, Bucky slowly regained his sense of self. He rediscovered making choices, allowing himself to be affected by what he saw and heard and felt. He tried new foods, listened to all kinds of music on the radio, and wrapped himself in warm, soft clothing. His progress was slow, and sometimes he backslid, but the companionship of his soulmate helped him keep going.

Thanks to a patient librarian showing him how to access the internet, Bucky took a crash course on soulmates. He discovered that they were still relatively rare, with same-sex soulmates being either the cause or result of same-sex attraction, depending on the researcher. The matter of fact reference to something that had been treated as a sin in Bucky’s time made him take a detour in his research. He was astounded to learn that being gay was not only no longer something to get arrested for, but several countries and states had made gay marriage legal. 

He dragged the librarian back over to the computer, pointing to the screen. 

“Is this f’real?” he asked, struggling to keep the emotion from his voice. 

“Yes it is.” She looked at him closely, eyes narrowed. Do you have a problem with that?” 

“Not at all, ma’am. Kinda glad, to tell ya the truth.” It was an understatement, but years of repression had dug ruts into his psyche. “Thank you.” 

Her expression cleared. “All right. If you need anything else, let me know.” 

Bucky returned to his reading with a lighter heart. It was nice to know that if he and his soulmate ever found one another — despite it still being a one in a million chance — they could be together. Speaking of which, Bucky dug a little deeper and was pleased to see that Peggy Carter was still alive and had been reunited with her soulmate, Captain America. 

Bucky also discovered that Steve was no longer unique; that there was a group of remarkable people who worked together to fight the battles that no one else could. This included (as incredible as it sounded) defending New York against an alien invasion a little over a year ago. He was glad that Steve wasn’t alone; that he’d found another team to be a part of. But being curious, and more than a little protective of his friend, Bucky dug a little into the background of these teammates. 

It turned out that the redheaded woman who had nearly throttled him during the fight on the overpass was one of the Avengers, and a former Russian spy. Her name and face seemed tantalizingly familiar, but there were still quite a few blanks in his memory. Sam Wilson, the man with the winged jetpack, wasn’t officially an Avenger, but Bucky assumed he would soon be joining them. Thor being literally a figure out of Norse mythology seemed a little far-fetched, but Bucky could empathize with Doctor Banner and his experiences. After all, he knew a little something about being transformed against your will. 

But the Avenger that intrigued Bucky the most was Tony Stark. Bucky remembered Howard Stark as a brash, brilliant, handsome man; his son was all that and more. He had rescued himself from being held hostage with a suit of armor he built from scraps in a cave. Then, phoenix-like, Tony Stark transformed himself. He burned his reputation as the Merchant of Death to ash and developed a new source of power, pouring his vast fortune into technologies that would make the world a better place to live in. And instead of just building a flying car, he soared above the clouds himself as Iron Man. If and when Bucky was able to reconcile with Steve, he’d have to ask for an introduction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I've tinkered considerably with the MCU timeline. The events of _Captain America: Winter Soldier_ happen roughly a year after the Battle of New York, with the events seen in _Iron Man 3_ (as we'll see in the next chapter) taking place the following December.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky continues his recovery in hiding as he learns more about both his soulmate and his celebrity crush.

“C’mon, darlin’,” Bucky pled, his soulmate’s pulse hammering in his chest, “It’s gonna be all right, I promise.” It wasn’t the first time he’d tried to talk his soulmate through a traumatic moment; it had started just a few months after Bucky’s escape from Hydra, while he was still trying to figure out who he was and what to do next. 

Bucky had been near panic himself; thinking that his soulmate was dying, being torn from him. But they both survived, and Bucky learned from the experience. He had no idea if anything he said or did actually helped, but he had to try. After all, his soulmate had been there for him when he’d still been the Soldier. Bucky owed him every bit of support he could manage, even if he himself were still healing.

Things got worse right around that first Christmas. Before winter hit, Bucky crossed the border with a set of false credentials. He hoped dealing with a foreign government would not only throw a monkey wrench into Hydra’s search for their lost Asset but give Steve a bit of pause in his search for his long lost pal as well. Bucky didn’t think that man existed anymore; he’d changed and been changed too much to ever fit back in the neat package he was sure Steve expected. 

He was just getting settled in to the small high desert pueblo when he and his soulmate both went through a week of hell. Bucky was simply a helpless bystander -- fear, anger, loss all raged through the connection between them. Bucky could have sworn at one point his soulmate’s heart actually stopped for a moment. Bucky would have given anything to be there, to have been the one who saved him. 

By that point, Bucky had decided that his soulmate was some sort of special forces or intelligence agent, perhaps a former SHIELD agent, one who had resisted Hydra and been forced underground. It explained his roaming around the globe, and the sense of purpose that drove him so relentlessly. Bucky knew only too well the adrenaline rush of a battlefield; the mingled fear and fury that came with defending something you held dear. He also knew the aftermath of battle fatigue, the sense of not having done enough, no matter how hard you’d tried. 

That spring, a close call once again sent Bucky on the run, this time to Central America. A trio of agents had somehow tracked him down, and he’d killed all three of them to remain free of Hydra’s clutches -- leaving him with more blood on his hands and crimes to his name. He remembered more and more of the Soldier’s missions now, including taking the lives of Howard and Maria Stark. 

Bucky couldn’t help but assume that their brilliant son had figured out that his parents’ fatal car crash was no accident; why he wasn’t in search of vengeance puzzled Bucky. Perhaps Steve’s friendship was keeping Iron Man at bay, or perhaps it was just a matter of time. Nevertheless, Bucky had to move on; if Hydra could find him, so could the Avengers. 

Taking what remained of the cash he’d collected from various safe houses and secret accounts, Bucky bribed a container ship captain heading across the Atlantic to take him on as a cook. He’d gotten in the habit of wearing a flesh-colored latex glove over his metal hand and treating the arm as if it were an immobile prosthetic, but Bucky still managed to pull his weight onboard, fulfilling his duties while otherwise keeping to himself. He couldn’t help but recall his time on the troop ship that had carried him into war; he prayed this trip would instead give him peace. 

Bucky found a new home in an old city, taking up residence in a quiet corner of Bucharest. He took odd jobs here and there, with the Soldier’s talent for languages leading him to pursue freelance translation. He got a secondhand computer and paid the apartment manager extra to run new cable up to his top floor, corner apartment. In between jobs, Bucky tried to catch up on the decades that had passed while he was the Soldier. And if some of that catching up was finding out more about Tony Stark, who was to know? 

His high living days now behind him, it seemed Stark was now dedicated to both the Avengers and to making Stark Industries the top company in clean energy and other earth friendly endeavors. And it seemed every charity gala and similar event on both coasts featured photos of the genius billionaire philanthropist with his lovely CEO on his arm; Pepper Potts and Tony Stark were clearly an item. 

As for his own lovelife; well, his libido had returned fairly quickly, spurred on by his soulmate’s encounters. A small part of him was jealous -- more of his soulmate’s companion than his soulmate himself, but the sentiment was there. He considered finding temporary company, but the prosthetic made that nearly impossible. Bucky foresaw a lonely road ahead of him; even if the two of them were ever to meet, how could he ask his soulmate to accept what he had done as the Soldier, much less the fact that he was damaged goods? So Bucky closed the door on that part of his life and made do on his own when the urges got too strong. 

Overall, he kept his head down and tried not to cause any trouble, for his soulmate’s sake as well as his own. He knew it was only a matter of time before somebody found him again. If it were Hydra, he would kill and, if necessary, die, before he rejoined them. If it were Stark, or any other lawful organization, he wouldn’t put up a fight, would face whatever punishment they deemed necessary, up to and including the death penalty. If it were Steve, well, maybe he could convince him that while he wasn’t the Bucky Steve remembered, perhaps they could still be friends. 

Late that autumn, Bucky’s soulmate was in yet another battle. At first, it had seemed a victory, but then horror and sadness and guilt all poured through the bond; somehow associated with an eerie, scarlet glow. Bucky threw every ounce of comfort, of concern into the bond that he could, murmuring reassurances. “Just breathe, pal. You’ll get through this.” 

The immediate threat seemed to fade, but the sense of guilt remained, and Bucky’s soulmate seemed even more driven from that point forward, as if the safety of the entire world depended on him. He barely slept, caught up in frantic activity. Bucky’s life was quiet and tranquil in comparison, and he did whatever he could to share that feeling with his soulmate.

A week or so later, Bucky found himself glued to the television. Reports had been coming in earlier about how the Avengers were facing off against a robot invasion in the capital of Sokovia. He instantly regretted keeping his distance from Steve; if he had come in from the cold, he could be there helping now. 

Bucky watched in stunned amazement as what looked like the entire city center shook and then slowly began rising into the air. A renewed sense of urgency and of desperation surged over the bond, and a few moments later, a SHIELD helicarrier came into view. Bucky was suddenly certain that his soulmate was there in Sokovia, either on the ground or on the ship, fighting the good fight. 

Helpless to do anything but watch the disaster unfold live on television while he let his soulmate’s emotions wash over him, Bucky’s eye was caught by a bright red figure flying around the city. It was Iron Man, of course, blasting the robots and surely formulating a plan. He disappeared into the cityscape, where there was a series of explosions; perhaps some sort of climactic battle.

No more than ten minutes later, Iron Man appeared and flew underneath the city, which had continued to ascend. Bucky couldn’t remember what the earth’s escape velocity was, but he was certain that massive hunk of earth wasn’t travelling anywhere near that speed. _What goes up, must come down,_ he thought, _and with a hell of an impact._ Even though he was several hundred miles away, Bucky suspected he wouldn’t be safe. He should leave his apartment, get out in an open space where nothing could fall on him when the earth quaked, but he couldn’t tear himself away from the spectacle in front of him. Not when his soulmate’s life was in danger as well. 

And then the city dropped straight down, no, was propelled by giant engines, falling faster than the force of gravity itself. Despair flooded the bond for a moment, then determination and pure will replaced it. Bucky in turn summoned every ounce of resolution and fortitude he could muster, giving it all up to his soulmate as the city exploded into a million pieces. Overcome with his soulmate’s sense of bitter triumph, Bucky realized with a jolt who cruel fate had paired him up with. The last man who could ever want him; someone to whom he’d done irreparable harm. 

Bucky Barnes’ soulmate was Tony Stark.


End file.
